Jack's True Feelings
by lei-mwa
Summary: Jack writes Martha a letter explaining what he really feels about her. Short, but sweet.
1. Chapter 1

To my dearest Martha, my heart has never stopped throbbing for you. I am single, and have been for several years. Throughout all eternity I will always remember you and the joy you brought to my life for the year and a bit we spent together. You are the most amazing, beautiful girl and I will never forget the way you could cheer me up with your wonderful grin. Your teeth are perfect and straight, and they are one of the billion things I love about you, my darling. It was six years ago when we finished it, and four years when I said what I thought was the last goodbye to you. That day is treasured in a special part of my heart where no-one except you has ever entered. I remember it exactly, and incase you forget, here is some of the day.

_"Jack." you said, your eyes brimming with tears._

_"Martha, I'm gonna miss you. Are you sure Micky is the right guy for you? Maybe you should stay in Summer Bay for a while with him before going off in the big wide world with that sleaze-bag..." _

_"Jack I know you are over-protective of me and you want the best for me. But Micky is perfect for me. You got Sam and I don't mind, so the least you could do is let me be happy." you pleaded._

_"I want you to be happy. But I might never see you again."_

_"Summer Bay is doing nothing for me except wasting away my life. Don't get me wrong I love all of you here, just I need change, Jack. You understand, right?" you said happily._

_"No, I don't. I need you to stay in the bay with us, Mac. This town is nothing without your lively spirit and amazing personality." I insisted._

_You smiled weakly, and took my hand in your own manicured one._

_"Thankyou." You spun on your heel and walked off. I was sure I heard a small sob._

_I called after you but you were gone. Gone from the room, from the town, from my life. My world. _

I remember the 'thankyou' clearly. It was deep and meaningful and you looked me straight in the eye. Or was I just imagining this? Do you really not like me at all? I wonder if you're still with Micky. Does he still look like a serial-killer? Does he still talk to you in the same way, like he owns you? Yes, I am jealous of him. You liked him at your first glance of him. With me you took a lot longer than one glance to love me... Have you got any kids? Micky's? Or perhaps someone else. Answer this truthfully, is he better than I ever was? Is he superior to me? I wonder where you are living? The city? Perhaps you moved to the country with your boyfriend or husband. I know you always wanted to. The thing is, I could've given you that life. Peaceful, laid back but also interesting and fun. I could've been a sympathetic lover, romantic, caring and kind. Also your best friend. Together, you and I could've had lovely kids. Hopefully a girl, and if it's possible she could've been as beautiful as you. Or the boy might've had your lovely thick curls, and maybe my eyes? Everyone would be able to tell it was our child. We could've moved to America with Josie, Tash, Rob and Ella. Maybe our daughter and Ella would be the best of friends. Or maybe if we had a son, one day he could marry Ella... I wish we could've had this sort of life together. I know you loved me, and I'm 100 positive I loved you, and still do. But perhaps you've even forgot me... if your boyfriend ever brings up past relationships you might have to concentrate really hard and search through most of your memory just to find my first name. Or maybe you just refer to me as the 'ex husband'. Thinking these thoughts break my heart all over again, but it's very possible. But maybe you think about me every day, just like I think of you. Maybe your unhappy in your relationship, and you wish you'd stayed with me. You know me, Mac, not the hugest optimistic in town, but I do believe anything's possible. All I want is a letter back, explaining the situation. If you hate me, that will reduce me to tears at the very least, but I want to know how you are going. Write back as soon as you get this, your ex husband + man who still loves you- Jack Holden.


	2. Martha's Reply

Dear Jack, your letter was amazing. I laughed out loud when I read it. Not because it was funny. Because I was relieved. Micky... me and him ended it long ago. He is a sleaze, like you said. I have been living in the city, in a flat, all by myself. I have been struggling to make enough cash for rent, food etc. I longed to go back home to you, Alf, Sal, Ric and all the others. But I doubted I would be welcomed back with open arms... Any news? I've been away for four years, if you told me nothing much has happened since I wouldn't believe you. I miss you too, Jack, with all my heart! I was a complete idiot to leave you like that after all we'd been through! Does Sam still live in Summer Bay? I noticed you said you were single... since when? Why? How? If you don't feel like answering any of my questions, I assure you I'll except that. I know I should've stayed in contact with you, but I thought you'd forgotten me, or you didn't like me. Yes, I'm paranoid and crazy, but can you blame me? I've been a loner for years now! I love you, Jack. Don't forget that. But I can't come home. Everybody will say how my taste in guys is out the window. There's been Ash, Micky, Harry (remember him? The friend of Rachel's...) and there's been two other similar incidents happened since. The only decent guy I've ever been with is reading this letter now. I know this may sound a little corny and unexpected, but I really want to see you. Face to face. I'm living in this bloody trashy estate in Cashton. It's called the Pinkunt Estate. My flat is called c4. Tell the others I'm missing them. Well actually you never even said you were still living in Summer Bay... are you? Please write back. Lots of love, Martha Mackenzie Holden. P.S I've been using your last name for the past few months, even though we're divorced... You don't mind do you? I'm just trying to kid myself we're still together, which is absurd but I wish it was true. P.P.S Of course I remember the last day I spent with you! I'm not a complete trash bag!


	3. Jack's Reply to Martha's reply

Dear Martha, I cried when I got your letter. Real tears, too. I have been thinking about you non-stop for the last few weeks, trying to make myself believe you'd reply. To tell you the honest and full truth, I thought you'd rip it up the minute you opened it. I realised minutes after I put it in the post box, that maybe I shouldn't have said_ quite _so much about how gorgeous you were, even though it's the truth. The marks on this page are my tears, as I was still crying when I started replying to your letter. Well that's not saying much, since I started replying before I even finished the letter. Pretty much. Yes I'm living in SB. A LOT has happened since you left. Gosh, where should I start? As I think you know, Ric got out of jail just a few days after you left. Him and Mattie are still together, and going pretty strong! Actually, I'm not 100 sure or anything but I think she might be pregnant... She's very moody and getting a little plump around the stomach! And Ric and her always talk in little whispers and he sometime pats her stomach! But there are plenty of excuses for that behavior like... well I can't think of anything but there are plenty... right? Oh well, it's none of my business yet, if even Beth and Dad don't know. Anyway Belle and Drew couldn't kid themselves any longer, they are together and completely in love. It was a close call the other day though, as Belle was involved in a car crash (Lucas, Sally and Brad walked away with no injuries whatsoever) and she was in a coma for a week and a half. I don't think I've ever seen Drew cry before, but he was crying a lot with Belle in hospital. Tony and Beth are married, but that's no surprise to any of us, we all knew they would always be together anyway. Little James (Kit and Kim's baby) is going well, he's four. He's completely adorable, and I think he has a bit of a thing for little Ella. Rob, Tash and Ella visited about six months ago. I would've contacted you, but I didn't know how. James cried when Ella left, it is funny to see people so young falling in love. Brad and Sally are nearly married too, they got engaged. Shame about Pete and Amanda though. I knew they'd never stay together. Amanda wanted to move away to Melbourne for some acting job, and Peter didn't want to go, so they broke up. Amanda ended up going. Belle was sort of upset, but she handled it well. And poor little Ryan isn't going to get to see his Mum much at all, since Amanda agreed to let Dan have custody. I think she's a terrible mum. Morag has moved to New Zealand. We all miss her, but some of her traits COUGH COUGH HATING ALL YOUR BOYFRIENDS, well we are glad to see we don't have to put up with them anymore. Oh, I nearly forgot, the most tragic. VJ has cancer, and Leah nearly committed suicide. Dan managed to convince her that VJ needed her, and so she's settled down a lot now. A lot of other things have happened, we've all been in the hospital at least once since you left, but we are pretty much okay now, except VJ, the poor little lamb. I want you to move back to SB. No, let me rephrase that. I _need _you to move back! Who cares if Alf or Sally give you that nonsense about the boys you fall for! It'll only be for a few days, then they'll just be glad to have you back. At least you'll be home where you belong! I'll come see you at this 'trashy' estate, but you really need to come back home, at least temporarily! Please write back, lots of love, Jack.


	4. Mac's reply 2 jack's reply 2 mac's reply

Dear Jack, I would like to say how much you remind me of Micky! In a good way, mind you. Micky would never stop badgering me to do something! Well I suppose that isn't really _good _but it is for you. Everything about you is perfect! Well mostly. I would love to come back to Summer Bay. I want to. But I want to make sure everyone is okay with it first. Omigod, poor VJ! He is the cutest little kid, well I suppose he isn't a kid now is he? Not really, he's in between a child and a teenager. I can't imagine what poor Leah is going through! And Dan. All the stuff that has happened is really interesting. I was going to say tragic, but some things aren't tragic at all! They're the opposite! Like James and Ella, Brad and Sal, Belle and Drew, especially Ric and Mattie! I really hope she is pregnant, since Ric is my cousin what would that make his kid? Second cousin? I suppose. Well it's not like I'm related to Ric, but he's as good as. I'll miss Morag too when I come back to The Bay, but I've been living without her for four years, I'm pretty sure I'll cope. I'm really excited about moving back, I've already sold some of my furniture. Am I getting ahead of myself? Should I stay for a little longer in the city? It's just I can't wait to come home! How is Rachel coping with Kit, Kim and James? Is she still going out with Kim? Well, better be off, Jack. Thankyou so much for your letter, if it wasn't for you, I'm sure I'd be eighty years old and still living alone in the city with no friends! I love you Jack. Lots of love, Mac. P.S Do you want to give our relationship another chance?


End file.
